Thursday, May 16, 2013
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The Prosecution Rests
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
While research indicates that 75% of women experience PMS, it is listed as a 'rare disease' by the US National Institutes of Health (NIH).
Monday, July 9, 2012
The Beginning of the End
Monday, July 2, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
This is the best damned curry I've ever made – even if I do say so myself, which I do, because when you can cook as well as this, you can swagger all you like. Please do not be tempted to change the recipe without first trying it; everything has its purpose. The whole peeled tomatoes are much juicier than diced; the sweet, treacly sultanas balance the tangy tomatoes; the whole spices freshly ground really do another dimension.
Monday, April 16, 2012
PYMBLE, New South Wales, 2073.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
There are brown ducks and there are white ducks, and in my neck of the woods, the brown ducks and the white ducks hung out in different parts of town, until recently. For reasons known only to their good feathered selves, these ducks have, with a single shag, overturned the prevailing ducky apartheid and now we have brown and white ducks. Their back feathers are actually a mouth watering shade of caramel, although the photos don't do it justice.
Who knows what their reasons were? Was it a political statement? Pure lust? Or do opposites attract in the duck world, as in any other? Did a society princess duck get into the schnapps, waddle to the wrong side of the tracks only to find herself knocked up? We'll probably never know the answer to these questions, but as I chased these beautiful belligerent shits around trying to get a good photo, their caramel backs reminded me of a Dave Allen joke:
Sister Mary is racing around the convent corridors. Having overslept, she is late for mass. Rounding a corner she encounters another nun on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. "Who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?" the nun giggles. Sister Mary flushes deeply and scurries on. Bang! She smacks headlong into another nun. The flustered nun pulls back and laughs, "Who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?" Sister Mary bows her red face and runs on, round another corner where a group of nuns take one look at her and chorus, "Who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?" She rushes away. Glancing over her shoulder Sister Mary draws a deep breath, relieved to be away from the laughing nuns. When she turns forward again, Mother Superior is standing before her, inspecting her feet. "Sister Mary," Mother Superior demands, "What are you doing with the Bishop's shoes on?"
Postscript: The next time I saw these ducks, I was without a camera. They were perfectly content to waddle around not six feet away from me, the shits.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
'Jean D'Arque is not to be missed. If you see her, shoot her ~
Friday, March 2, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
- In her youth, J.K. Rowling was a Bay City Rollers' fan, proving that early bad taste is no barrier to subsequent success.
- Stephenie Meyer is a bestseller, proving that subsequent bad taste is no barrier to early success.
- It only took one cow to burn
- John Howard became Prime Minister.
- The greatest love songs are inspired by the worst heartbreak.
- Pauline Hanson's parents didn't drown her at birth.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
A question better suited to Bob Hawke, methinks.
Monday, January 23, 2012
The blurb: 'Since the beginning of time, there has been man and woman. All women came with pussy. Its official name is “Vagina” and its purpose range from sexual activity, child birthing, and uterine secretions (that time of the month). Its power is almost limitless. It has shaped world politics, literature, music, and mental illness.'
Yes, well. Mine's also a Certified Practising Accountant.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Old Tuts had her own sheepskin on the couch, but being a cat, of course she slept anywhere she pleased, frequently taking up more of my single bed than I did. More accurate than a heat-seeking missile, she always knew where her best bet was between the sheepskin and my bed. This she would ascertain by inserting one paw beneath the doona to see if the electric blanket was on. Thus we passed many happy years, until I awoke early one morning to a tutt tutt tutt tutt tutt tutt sound, when I rolled over to see Ali-Tut contentedly lapping from my glass of water. Three things immediately filled my mind:
- An image of Ali-Tut with a bird in her mouth.
- An image of Ali-Tut cleaning herself most fastidiously, paying particular attention to her arse.
- The question of just how many years she had been drinking from my glass of water as I slept.
|A cockroach floating in my glass of water|
Saturday, January 14, 2012
~Contains gratuitous swearing, violence and one offensively small appendage. Not suitable for Twilight fans. Not suitable for children under 40~
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